A very powerful encounter with God

This is my very first blog entry, so here goes:

It was during the Aspirers Retreat 2008, on the second night, when Pastor Willard asked us to give up everything for God. There were some things that I...well, lets just say i was not in a hurry to give up just yet...because of my hormones, my love for fun (I'm the happy go lucky type) I found it hard to give up certain things.

There was a battle raging inside me, so when Pastor Willard had the alter call, i felt the need to go. As i went, I had that familiar feeling of knowing what was about to happen was not in my control. As the pastor asked me to lift my hands up and pray, i just opened my heart, and prayed more earnestly than i had ever done before.

It was at that moment i surrendered everything, and I felt God. Tears began to flow uncontrolled, as i truly felt His love. (this should be a very private thing, i know. But everyone who went for the Aspirers Retreat saw it, and more than half of them experienced it for themselves, so whats there to hide) As the pastor finished praying for me, i moved to the back of the room, to let the next person (Alethea Loo, i think) go 4 the altar call. I felt a tingling sensation from my legs to my head, like the aftershock of an electric shock, only much milder and not painful. But it made my legs weak, causing me to kneel even as I was crying and praying.

One by one people lined up at the back of the room, weeping and praying. The entire room was filled with prayer and you could feel the presence of God there. Ever since that day, I have tried (and failed, many times over) to live by Gods commandments. It is not easy. At first, I thought all I had to do was ask God for strength, and just 'live like a saint'. But as i tried, i realized how much more difficult it is, and how much more i needed God. Changing my life from the Azriel-happy go lucky, live in the present, careless about everyone else and not worrying about the future-Chelliah to the Azriel-walk with God, obeying His commandments-Chelliah was and is not easy. But then again, who ever said a Christian life is an easy one?

The commandment 'love your neighbor as yourself' is really very hard to obey, especially when the class teacher is yelling her head off at the class. Most people almost never see me angry, never hear me shout in anger, as in really really angry. But those who know me close enough-family members, very close friends, God-know that i am very quick to anger if I'm tired or irritated. Its true, i do not shout when I'm angry, but i can reply with cold calmness, ruthlessly bringing out the bad points in others, that makes up for any amount of shouting or screeching. I'm not proud of it in any way. It, i find, is one of the greatest barriers in my walk with God.
The fact that my parents are the type who, if start scolding, never stop, does not help ether.
I'm not blaming them. I am still trying, and failing to live like Jesus did. But I'll never give up trying.

What I want to say, is, there's no easy way if you want to live your life for God on earth. I've tried to find a loophole in all his commandments, and believe you me, if there is a loophole, I'd have found it. Thats the grim truth of all this. We Christians have to deny ourselves, take up the cross, and follow him. But I want you all to remember this, that for all we suffer on earth for Christ, we will be rewarded for it in Heaven (the Bema Judgment = Judgment of Rewards)

I hope this (referring to the entry above) will be a blessing to all who read it =)